I visited my housemate’s church today and heard the above line. I won’t go into the nuances of the sermon taught by a guest preacher Gene Robinson on a topic which deserves an entire blog post of its own: homosexuality and the Christian church. He threw the above-mentioned line in response to the question of how to respond to those in the church who show retribution against the LGBT community. The line above stuck with me today and has given me much to think about...I could write a book!
For starters, what is love really? Who are the subjects of my love? Both questions have been answered for me in the Bible. The what: The Bible tells me Love is supposed to be sacrificial and focused on the needs of others and not my own. The who: my biggest imperative as a follower of Jesus is to love God and to love people in my life. But what does it mean to love God? An entity that I haven't seen but simply believe exists. And how do I really love people? Especially when my social construct and definition of love may be different from those around me.
However - this is not a post about Love. It's about Hate and Fear. The preacher went to speak about homosexuality - a topic that makes my mind normally spin in 10-million directions - but today my mind was riveted on to this: When am I most prone to hate? What things am I bitter about? Why do those feelings arise? Who causes those emotions to arise? Is it things like hunger, poverty, oppression and war in some far off land? Or is it when something close to my heart hits home.
And what is hate anyway? Is it a bitter feeling against an event or a person? Webster defines hate as an intense feeling of dislike and hostility. Most of us are uncomfortable using the word 'hate' against people - as it denotes too strong an emotion, and perhaps we want to be perceived as balanced, rational beings. In fact, as I write this - I wonder - is there any thing or person that I actually hate? I cannot think of one person that I hate. However, to be completely candid, there are people who are not high on my favorite-people-list. Do I hate them? No. Do I have a hard time loving them? Yes.
While I deeply care about many issues especially that which relates to injustice and inequality even in far-off international settings and I hate - for example corporate money-making machines that exploit poor people in sweat shops and I hate people who fuel the market for child pornography and the sex industries in places like Mumbai and Bangkok, I find that I am most prone to 'hate' when feeling slighted by those that claim to care for me and that I care for. Family who are a part of my human existence and friends who make my social being a reality.
And so - what is it in my struggle to love someone that inspires this 'hate'? A sense of injury is usually tied to this 'hate'. I couldn't care less if a stranger off the street said or did something mean towards me. But if family/friend failed me, it is often difficult to love them. I often have to relearn how to love again instead of holding onto hate.
Today - I understood for the first time the notion that fear can be tied to hate. That fear of self and fear of man could drive the underlying sense of injury which then leads to 'hate'. Instead of loving someone, I am fearful and afraid of what they could do to me, and how they could crush me at my most vulnerable state. How is it that the Fear of Man cripples us so much so that we choose to hold onto 'hate' instead of looking beyond the immediate and choosing to love?
(sigh) I don't know. My responses towards others are conditioned from years of interacting with other human beings. As self-aware as I try to be, I'll likely still do both - love and hate. It's part of my innate human nature, I suppose. However - as I learn more and more how to be like Jesus, I hope that I can let go of my fear and learn to love others well.
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